Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
