I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
