Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
