in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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