absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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