I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
