Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
