the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
