I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
