All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
