It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
