Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
