Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
