And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
