Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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