I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
