Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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