mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you will always have a special place in my vag
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
