im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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