dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
