K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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