We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
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why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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