she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
