I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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