and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
