i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
