When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
