I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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