You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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