Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
