Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
