I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
