wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
