Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
