I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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