My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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