There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
