Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
