if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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