I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
