He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
