So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
