god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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