Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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