Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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