He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
