im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
