forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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