Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
