dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
