I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just found puke in my bra..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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