$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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