yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
