Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
