Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
