I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
