She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
