Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
