He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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