help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
