My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
