new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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