I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
