I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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