I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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