wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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