Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
