My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
