I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
