Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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