Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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