I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize