Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
