First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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