Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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