Whatcha textin bout Willis?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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