You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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