I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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