You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
